In 21 days I have back surgery.  BACK to surgery,  ha ha ha   I'm trying not to think to much about the actual surgery part; the whole anesthesia - puking - feeling groggy and stupid for days - incision pain and stitches and laying in a hospital bed and having no privacy and no dignity and all that stuff.  Trying to just let that go; it will be what it is and it's just something to get through.  My actual worry is that this surgery doesn't fix me. I've lived with this stupid back problem for eight or twenty years (depending on which particular problem you are referring to) with the thought in my head that if it ever gets too bad, I'll suffer through surgery again but "not until I have to".  Well, I'm there, and I have to.  But what if it doesn't fix everything?  then I'm just stuck in this hell with no light at the end of the tunnel.

This is a little like spending your last dollar on a lottery ticket.

wow I don't know whatI just did, but my screen disappeared into this tiny tiny little column.  I couldn't read this crap with a telescope!!!


Oh, apparently something like cntl+o is zoom, and I zoomed down to 10%.  ha ha ha  that was an entertaining few seconds.

Anyway, yeah; spending my last dollar on a lottery ticket.  21 days.