Holy motherfucking fucking fuck this hurts. I'm trying really hard not to be a whiny complainer; nobody wants to hear this stuff. I'm even tired of hearing about it. But DAMN, it just doesn't stop. The surgery and the time in the hospital is mostly a blur; things didn't go awfully well for me. I guess the surgery took about eight hours, and then the Doctor couldn't get the bleeding to stop; they had to give me blood three times. Then I couldn't move my left leg for long enough that they were on their way with me to MRI and go back into surgery, but I started moving it, so that was good.
They left me in ICU an extra day, and then I got up and moved around a couple of times, and then I developed a pulmonary embolism and had to stay in bed for two more days without walking. By the way, that's one of my worst fears, the pulmonary embolism. That is what killed my Grandmother; she went into surgery to have her gallbladder out, got clots and died. So I've always had this fear when I go into surgery. Now it happened, but it was okay. But I'm going to be uber terrified if I ever have to have surgery again. And now I have to take blood thinners.
Anyway, hospital for way longer than planned, a brief stop at a nursing home which was HORRIBLE! ugh. But then home, and the pain. The incision and the numb places and the muscles that got shoved around; my bones are in different places and it was hard to walk and it made everything hurt. Hips hurt, knees hurt, ankles hurt...but that didn't really take that long to get bearable. I mean, that was all basically what I expected and I had pain pills and I slept as much as possible and Cory and Steph took wonderful care of me.
But now the nerves in my left foot are regenerating. I think I'd be okay with a numb left foot instead of doing this. I am having a hard time handling this. The pills I have don't touch nerve pain; the Doctor gave me another pill that helps some, but it's one of those epilepsy/anti-seizure meds and it makes me dizzy and weak. And it only helps a little. Of course, it has to build up in my body; it's not a pain pill that works right away. But it should be built up now and it still only helps some. I can't sleep. The pain is worse when I lay down, and it gets worse when I'm tired, so it's this vicious circle jerk that may never stop. I suppose at some point I'll get so exhausted I'll sleep. right? (btw, it is currently 4:20 a.m....I've been awake for two hours after sleeping for about four hours)
I just took a pain pill and a muscle relaxer hoping it will knock me out; and also my ankles are killing from all the floor pacing I've been doing.
(days later....) I was typing the lovely rant above, and I hit a button on my computer and lost it, couldn't find it. Started typing it again, lost it...decided it wasn't meant to be and gave it up. But then later I figured it was saved as a draft and sure enough, there it was. Anyway....I'm better now. Still having some pain in my foot, but it isn't unbearable. The dr gave me a steroid pack that lasts a week that 'should help with the inflammation around the nerves' and I think it is helping. I know after the first day of steroids I got out of bed and showered AND did my hair AND put on real clothes and make-up and went for a walk around the park. So they are doing something.
The foot hurts if I move it wrong or wear a shoe, I'm keeping it wrapped with an ace bandage and it isn't too too bad, but I am ready for it to be over. But apparently this can take weeks. Or months. (the horror!)
I'm just going to believe that it will be weeks; two down and hopefully not many more to go. :)
So disregard all the ugly words at the beginning of this post; I survived and it's getting better all the time. So yay. right?
